after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
