If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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