I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
