she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
