please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
