They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
