Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
