Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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