i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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