I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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