Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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