I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
