I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
