Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
