absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
