My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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