I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
