You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
