I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
