her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
