I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
