yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
