You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
When are your genitals available?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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