You're earring is so big in my mouth
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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