my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
