Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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