Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
