Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
