If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
