You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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