Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
