RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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