i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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