so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
