i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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