Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
