party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
