we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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