If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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