I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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