Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
