I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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