I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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