I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
