Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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