someone get that fucking seahorse.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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