It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
