Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
