she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
