Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
